Oscar the Scavenger

This is Oscar, the resident seagull of an Inn in Maine that we have been frequenting for ten years. Oscar is a scavenger par excellence. He will swoop down on the breakfast table and lift pats of butter, small dishes of blueberry jam and absolutely anything and everything you leave behind. He will not make his approach until the coast is clear, however, and to ensure this he frequently perches on the eaves of the building while unsuspecting diners eat.

Oscar, it seems, has become quite a nuisance, especially to those who have planned their weddings on the beautiful lawn of the Inn, overlooking the ocean. In fact, after an entire oyster bar set-up was ruined by one of Oscar's fly-overs, the Inn has taken to hiring a specific person with the sole responsibility of keeping Oscar away from appetizer tables and bar set-ups (with munchies). Oscar, it seems, will truly eat everything.

I did not realize that seagulls were such aggressive scavengers until our waitress one morning told the tales of Oscar almost dropping jelly dishes onto the heads of guests playing on the lawn. In fact, she had recently learned that a popular sport among certain kids in Brooklyn is to feed seagulls Alka Seltzer. It seems that they literally explode in mid-air once the fizzy tablet makes its way through their system.

Short of poisoning them, there does not seem to be an easy way to make peace with seagulls such as Oscar who have learned that humans are usually a good source of food. Maybe we have created our own dilemma by eating outside, within the boundaries of what is usually construed as Oscar's domain and considered fair territory. Short of screening in the deck, anybody have any suggestions for keeping the Oscars of the world away from your breakfast?